County Fair!

In honor of the fact that I'm going to have the pleasure of attending a state fair shortly, I thought I'd post the following piece that I wrote in 2005. I wrote this after attending my first fair of any kind. Ever. Needless to say, it was quite overwhelming to me!

City Girl in a Country World: My first fair experience (July 2005)

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to attend the Hancock County 4H Fair. Having never set foot on a fairground before, this would prove to be quite an educating and enlightening experience.

The trip down the long, flat stretch of I-70 was rather un-eventful. As we neared the fairground, I still had no idea of what to expect. We turned onto the fair road and were directed to park in the grass by a smiling policeman of substantial girth clad in a lovely brown uniform. Somewhere between the cop and the parking field, we must have entered the door into some sort of parallel universe. A strange and twisted world where llamas dress up as golf holes and go crazy while mulleted people of all shapes and sizes amble around in overalls while gnawing on an assortment of deep fried delights. It was unlike anything I had ever seen before in my entire life.

As we entered the fair area, I looked around in some odd sort of awe. We were immediately led up a wet, muddy path. It was crowded with costumed children leading their costumed llamas up a small hill. It was chaos like I have never seen before. Like a scene out of some strange movie, I was surrounded. A girl in a bathing suit and fake flippers led a llama in a shark costume on a leash. A panicked mother rushed to fix a llama’s outfit which was falling apart. A big, fuzzy yellow girl with a tail stood with her big, fuzzy yellow llama as they waited outside the doors. What the heck were they?!? A pudgy young girl with an awful wig (or was that her real hair?!) dressed like Dorothy and sported a grin that made her look insane. Yeah. We sure AREN’T in Kansas anymore…I didn’t know where to look or where to go. I was being led on a llama lined trail to who knows where. I suddenly felt more overwhelmed and confused than I have ever felt before. I didn’t know what any of this was about. What awaited me in the building when I got to the top of the hill? I felt so lost as questions filled my head. Was this real? Was I in some sort of weird dream? Where do I look? What do I do? Do people REALLY do this kind of thing? Did someone slip something into my drink at lunch? I don’t think I could have picked my jaw up off the ground if I tried. What WAS all this? This must be how a country person feels the first time they venture to a big city. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

We entered the “arena” and sat down in the bleachers as I talked, probably quite incoherently, to my fair companion. I have no memory of what I was saying, but I’m sure I was asking lots of questions. The intermediate division of the llama costume competition was going on as we arrived. Santa Claus and the llama present; the swimmer and the shark llama; the car boy and his car llama (I have yet to figure out what this was); Sonny and the Cher llama. Each took their turn to parade these odd creatures around a ring for the packed audience. Apparently, llama costume contests are quite popular! Who would have guessed? Then came the caddie and the golf hole llama. Something just wasn’t right from the start. Almost immediately the golf ball fell off and into the ring. The animal clearly wasn’t happy. Then off came whatever was on its head. About 2/3s of the way around the ring, pandemonium erupted. The llama began kicking and bucking violently about, as it thrust its costume off. My immediate reaction was to burst out laughing. But then it occurred to me. Was this proper llama show etiquette? Just how exactly is one supposed to behave at this sort of event? Would I offend people by laughing? Just how seriously do people take this? Are you supposed to sit there and gasp in horror as the llama drama unfolds? Or is it acceptable to think it is funny and start laughing? Is it really, truly funny, or is the kid in the ring about to get mauled by his former llama buddy? My second wave of confusion hit. Luckily everything was ok and the golf hole llama got a grip and calmed down.

Then came the second round of llamas. The advanced division or something like that. This one had the big, fuzzy yellow girl with a tail and her big, fuzzy yellow llama, who shook her rear end while the chicken dance music played. It also had Batman and the Riddler and a kid handing out cracker jacks with a cracker jack box llama. One of the more interesting ones of the evening was a prince and his llama princess. As they paraded around, the announcer read on her out of date sound system, the tale of how the prince searched and searched and finally found his llama love. Interesting to say the least…

So after the llama show, we explored the fair some more. First we ventured into the sheep pavilion. I have never seen (or smelled) anything quite like it. I was blown away by the awful stench, and to my surprise, there were people sitting in some pens in lawn chairs like they were camped out there with their animals. I personally don’t understand how someone could breathe in there. We walked through as the sheep baa-ed at us. Then we got an elephant ear, or “lions paw” as they referred to it. I must say, it was quite tasty. It was on to the bird and rabbit area after that. I saw the biggest rabbit I have ever seen. I didn’t even know they got that big. When we arrived, there was a dirty young boy in between all the cages. From the way he was, it appeared as though he too was in a cage. I didn’t realize they displayed children at the fair too! Later he emerged with a small chicken sort of thing and let us pet it, while he told us about it. Surely we had just witnessed one of the country’s future great poultry farmers in action. God Bless America!!! The stench in there was even worse than the sheep pavilion. I don’t think I like birds too much. At least when they are alive anyway.

We decided to take a stroll around the midway after that. Gangs of local teenagers were roamed about. I even heard two of them arguing about who had the better fair. “No, WE have the better fair,” one exclaimed. I guess they take these things pretty personally. I also saw a country kid trying to hustle a prize out of some other kid who was running his game booth. Maybe had he grown up in the ghetto of some city, he would have had more luck.

After purchasing some corn and doughnuts, we moved on to the cow area. Now, I like cows. My friends and I even had some sort of mild obsession with them in 6^th grade. But I have never been around so many before. I didn’t really want to venture into the area while I was eating. Given the stench and the fact that we were dodging cow pies left and right, didn’t really make me have much of an appetite. I tried to get my fair companion to stop so I could finish my corn, but she seemed on some sort of quest. I was led up through the cow area at a fast pace, and out into the open, where people were leading cows around on leashes as they poked them with sticks. One cow even let loose as it got jabbed, right as we were walking by. What a lovely treat to see. I had no idea where we were going, but I was surrounded by cows and dirty farm kids. Was this some sort of fair initiation she was putting me through? Finally we were back on the original llama path, which by now was clear. And so ended my first time at the fair. When I told people about it at work the next day, I was promptly asked if I had done acid. I guess not everyone in Indiana is familiar with these things.

Some things make no sense!!

So here goes one of my rants about the ever-present stupidity I seem to encounter on a daily basis. My apartment complex has a clubhouse for the residents to use. It has many of the typical things you'd expect an apartment complex clubhouse to have. A fitness center. A laundry room. A business center with computers/fax machines. These three things are all open 24 hours a day. They are all located in the same building. In the same part of the building even. Yet every day, they lock the glass doors to the business center and force people to use an entrance separate from the fitness center and the laundry room. Mind you, this is only after hours. When the office is open, people can go freely from the laundry area, the fitness center, and the business center without having to go outside. Why on earth is it necessary to section this off when the office is closed?! To give you an example, if someone wanted to do laundry at 10 PM and wanted to stay in the clubhouse to use the computers, they'd have to go in one door, do their laundry, exit out the same door, then go into the computer room through a separate entrance. All because the management feels they must lock the glass door that separates the computer room from the connecting hallway that goes to the fitness center and laundry room. I absolutely fail to see what the point of this is. Maybe that's because there is none!